Loosing My Relgion (Song fic)
by Katana2
Summary: Logan’s feeling depressed after ending up back in his wheelchair and accidentally comes across a song that just makes him more depressed. Meanwhile Max is back on heat and feeling extremely frustrated.


Loosing My Religion

Title: Loosing My Religion.

Author: Katana. ([rose_tat@hotmail.com][1])

Disclaimer: Okay, 1) I've never written a Dark Angel Fanfic before, and 2) I've never written a songfic before so please be kind. I own nothing, seriously. I don't own the song, I don't own the charters, I don't own this computer I'm using, I don't own a bed... Yes, I *am* a poor student.

Spoilers: After Logan's relapse. And O.C knows the truth.

Rating: PG-13 at most.

Category: M/L romance.

Summery: Logan's feeling depressed after ending up back in his wheelchair and accidentally comes across a song that just makes him more depressed. Meanwhile Max is back on heat and feeling extremely frustrated.

Author's note: Please send me feedback if you want me to write more. :)

**Loosing My religion - R.E.M.** (I got the lyrics off of a friend so they may not be exactly right but they're close. P.S. If anybody has a mp3 of this sone could you send me a copy? *Make's hopeful puppy-dog face.*)

_Oooooooooh Life is bigger_   
_It's bigger than you_   
_And you are not me_   
_The lengths that I will go to_   
_The distance in your eyes_   
_Oh no, I've said too much_   
_I set it up._   
_That's me in the corner._   
_That's in the spot - light_   
_Loosing my religion_   
_Trying to keep an eye on you._   
_And I don't know if_   
_I can do it_   
_Oh no, I've said too much_   
_I haven't said enough_   
_I thought that I heard you laughing_   
_I thought that I heard you sing_   
_I think I thought I say you try_

_Every whisper_  
_Of every waking hour_  
_I'm choosing my confessions_  
_Trying to keep an eye on you_  
_Like a hurt, lost, and blinded fool_  
_Oh no I've said too much_  
_I set it up_  
_Consider this, consider this_  
_The hint of the century_  
_Consider this_  
_The slip, that brought me_  
_To my knees, failed_  
_What if all these fantasies_  
_Come flailling around_  
_Now I've said too much_  
_I thought that I heard you laughing_  
_I thought that I heard you sing_  
_I think I thought I heard you try_

_But that was just a dream_  
_That was just a dream_  
_That's me in the corner_  
_That's me in the spot - light_  
_Loosing my religion_  
_Trying to keep an eye on you_  
_And I don't know if_  
_I can do it_  
_Oh no, I said too much_  
_I haven't said enough_  
_I thought that I heard you laughing_  
_I though that I heard you sing_  
_I think I thought I saw you try_

_But that was just a dream_  
_Try! Cry! Lie! Try!_  
_That was just a dream_  
_Just a dream_  
_Just a dream_  
_Dream..._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Logan sighed as he sat at his desk. Stupid power surges kept messing with his computer and he was getting nowhere fast. Frustrated, he pushed away from the computer and headed out into his living room. Living room, now there was a joke. The only time it seemed to have any life in it these days was when Max was here. Amd that definitely wasn't often enough. Especially lately. He didn't know why but Max had been avoiding him all week. Logan wheeled towards his stereo and started looking for a CD to put on. He flicked through the CD's restlessly and then, on a whim, decided to see what he could find on the radio.

"Now here's an oldie but a goodie from the tail end of last century. So turn it up boys and girls, and don't forget to ask the 'rents if they remember when this one was new the next time you visit them in the home. Just kidding, this one goes out to all the hopeless romantics who are sitting around homr listening to sappy love songs. Give Mickey Jay here a call, huh? Come on you big losers. Mickey Jay Da Dee Jay is getting bored. You know the number. Now let's rock on Needle Rock 99.9 FM. This is REM, Loosing my religion. I'm Mickey Jay. It's night, not day. And heeere we go!"

Logan was about to turn the radio off when the lyrics caught his attention. He hadn't heard this song since he was a kid.

_"__Oooooooooh Life is bigger_   
_It's bigger than you_   
_And you are not me_   
_The lengths that I will go to_   
_The distance in your eyes_   
_Oh no, I've said too much_   
_I set it up._   
_That's me in the corner._   
_That's in the spot - light_   
_Loosing my religion_   
_Trying to keep an eye on you..."_

Suddenly it was like for the first time he really heard the words. Sure, he'd heard the song plenty of times before, but this was the first time that he *really* heard it. Some how the song just summed up everything that he'd been feeling since Max had crashed through his window that strange, strange night all those months ago. Logan knew that he could easily loose a heck of a lot more than just his religion trying to keep an eye on Max. Heck, he'd already lost his heart ans he was sure he was loosing his mind. She could take his soul if she wanted it. And as for his body well... What would she ever want with his broken body? Even he didn't want it.

_"And I don't know if_   
_I can do it_..._"_

Could he do it? Could he keep playing this game of cat and mouse with his feelings? Maybe, if he'd been able to stay out of this damn chair, there would have been a chance. But no. Somehow Max was able to give him back his legs, but could his body accept that? No.

_"Oh no, I said too much_  
_I haven't said enough_  
_I thought that I heard you laughing_  
_I though that I heard you sing_  
_I think I thought I saw you try..."_

Logan rolled over to the window and watched the rain pouring down. He was somehow profoundlt glad that his gun was in the other room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You okay Boo?" Original Cindy asked as she took her shot at the pool table. "You've been weird all week."

"Weird?" Max replied evasively. "Weird how?" She watched a cute guy leaning over the bar and smiled. "Nice ass."

"Weird as in either checking out every piece of testosterone drenched flesh that comes your way or trying to avoid the male species completely." Original Cindy replied.

"I'm fine." Max replied. She went to take a shot and missed wildly.

"Riiight. So why are you avoiding Suggar Daddy? Come on Boo, Original Cindy knows when something's up and something is most defifitely up."

"Cindy..." Max was distracted by another male crossing the room and lost track of what she had been going to say.

"Anybody would think that you were on heat girl."

"I am." Max muttered between clenched teeth.

Original Cindy froze in mid shot. "You're messing with me." Max shook her head. "You're not messing? Boo?"

"Three to four times a year I'm victim to my raging hormones. My biggist goal right now is *not* to do something that I'll regret."

"So what you're saying is that if you were in the same room as Logan for long, unaccompanied periods of time that you'd probably try and rape him." Original Cindy summed up.

"Max took a gulp of her beer and sighed. "That's one way of putting it."

"And this would be a bad thing why?"

"You don't get it." Max said irritably.

"You're right Boo. Original Cindy don't get it. Original Cindy don't get it at all. She don't get why her Boo ain't gettin' when we all knowthat Loggie boy would be more that happy to be givin'. In fact Original Cindy is damn sure that he'd be happy to be of service. Thankful even. Now if Original Cindy could lay her hands on a girl like Logan..."

Max almost choked on her beer and started laughing. "Since when did Logan become a girl?"

"C'mon Max, you know that's not what Original Cindy mean. Look, all I'm saying is that you could do a heck of a lot worse. I mean, just look around you. Creeps galore. Shetchy looks good around this bunch."

"It's just... Complicated. Don't worry. I just gotta get through this bitch and then I'll be back to my charming, sarcastic, paranoid self. I'm gonna blaze, try and ride off some of this tension."

"Sure Boo." Original Cindy watched as Max started to leave. "Hey Boo!" She called after Max. "If you get an urge to go drop in on Logan, just go with that feeling."

Max just shook her head and left.

Max stood outside of Logan's door. _//Just go in there. Come on.//_ Max thought to herself as she slowly picked the lock. _//No. This is stupid. Turn around and leave while you still can.//_ Max's hands fell to her sides and she started to turn away from the door. _//Damnit Max, what are you so damn scared about?//_ Max turned back towards the door. She determinedly placed her hand on the doorknob. _//You're scared because you know that if you let anything happen between you and Logan you won't be able to just walk away. He's already under your skin. It would seal the deal and you wouldn't be able to run from it.//_ Max froze, undecided. _//Would that be so bad?//_ Max took a deep breath and quietly opened the door. She'd been so wrapped up in her internal dialogue that she hadn't even heard the radio. The words hit her like a revaluation and sealed her decision.

_"Every whisper_  
_Of every waking hour_  
_I'm choosing my confessions_  
_Trying to keep an eye on you_  
_Like a hurt, lost, and blinded fool_  
_Oh no I've said too much_  
_I set it up_  
_Consider this, consider this_  
_The hint of the century..."_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_"Consider this_  
_The slip, that brought me_  
_To my knees, failed_  
_What if all these fantasies_  
_Come flailling around_  
_Now I've said too much_  
_I thought that I heard you laughing_  
_I thought that I heard you sing_  
_I think I thought I heard you try..."_

Max crept into the living room to see Logan sitting by the window. His eyes were closed and he had an almost wistful expression on his face. She had to smile to herself, it seemed that the song had hit him just as it had hit her. Quietly she padded across the room until she was standing almost beside him. Gently she touched a finger under his chin to turn him to face her. Logan's eyes automaticlly flew open at the light touch.

"Ma..."

Max placed a silencing finger over his lips. She pulled it away slowly and replaced it with her own lips. It was such a different kiss from that time at the cabin. Then neither had thought that they'd see each other again. That other kiss had been urgent, needy, a kiss filled with want and pain. This kiss was slow, gentle, a promise beyond words. Yet Max's hormones were still strongly in control and Logan's gentle, almost teasing pressure was soon not enough. She moved to deepen the kiss while at the same time maneuvering herselfinto Logan's lap. Logan tried to hold back for a few seconds but Max was persistent. The kiss grew deeper and time could have stood still. But it didn't. The song moved on, ended, and was replaced by a faster, louder song that all but shattered the moment. Pulling back slightly, Max ended the kiss and lent her forehead against Logan's. She let out a gentle laugh. "Stupid radio."

Logan watched with more than a little insecurity as Max quickly pulled away from him and walked over towards the stereo. Or, as Logan saw it, walked away from him. Logan all but sighed in relief as she turned the radio off. Maybe she wasn't going to run? He watched curiously as she flipped through a few of his CD's. She carefully selected one and placed it in the stereo.

"Sibelius?" Logan asked raising an eyebrow.

Max just shrugged. "Dance with me."

Logan swallowed. Somehow this seemed very familiar. "I can't." He answered looking at Max intently.

A slight smirk tugged at the corner of Max's mouth. "Sure you can, mind over matter." She said taking a few steps closer.

"See my problem is I can't walk." Logan said as he wheeled his chair closer. It was Max's turn to stop and wonder.

Suddenly her smirk became a full-fledged grin. "I'm not asking you to walk." She settled herself in his lap without breaking eye contact. "Just dance." She whispered.

They sat there just swaying to the music for a while but Logan couldn't help asking the question that was foremost in his mind. "Who's dream was that anyway... Your's or mine?"

Max froze for a second and then looked Logan in the eye. "Both I guess." She said on awe. She touched his face gently and pulled him into a soft kiss. Pulling away she slightly shool her head. "Guess it's got something to do with my scrambled DNA." She lent her head on Logan's shoulder.

"You okay?"

Max snuggled closer to him. "Yeah." She said softly. "Yeah I am." She smiled as she completely relaxed in Logan's embrace. "Mind if I crash here?"

"No problem. There's the guest..."

"No." Max said simply. "I think I'm going to crash right here."

Logan laughed slightly. "Sure." He said kissing her hair. "Whatever you want."

Max snuggled even closer and let her eyes drift shut. She began to fall asleep in Logan's arma content in the knowledge that she was safe and that she wasn't going to do something she'd regret this heat. She was almost asleep when she realized that there was something she needed to make sure that Logan understood. "Logan?" She asked sleepily.

"Hmm?"

"I can't promise that I won't run, but I promise that I'll always come back.

~FIN~

   [1]: mailto:rose_tat@hotmail.com



End file.
